3 Steps to Protect Your Emotional Wellbeing While Trying to Get Pregnant

There’s been a lot of discussion on our Facebook page over the last few weeks around the emotional aspects of being infertile. Your triumphs and challenges have touched all of us. Thank you for sharing.

In fact, you inspired us to seek out additional support. As part of our ongoing “proactive” theme during National Women’s Health Week, we interviewed Dr. Andrea Braverman, clinical psychologist at the Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey (part of our Attain Fertility^TM Network, who provided the following self-care tips.

From everyday encounters to special gatherings and events, those coping with fertility issues frequently face uncomfortable questions from family, friends and coworkers about having a baby. Knowing how to respond and how much you are comfortable sharing isn’t easy.

From innocent comments made in passing by co-workers and the probing questions of relatives, to the pregnancy of a sibling or close friend, sometimes heading into social situations feels more like heading into a minefield than anything else.

“Needs change at different points along the way, and even from day-to-day,” explained Braverman. “By identifying your triggers and then making choices, you’re able to create boundaries that work for you. Healthy communication with your partner and with the people in your life is essential.”

While there are no pat answers or general rules to follow Braverman does have a few tips about how you and your partner can best handle social situations during your path to parenthood.

Step One:  What are you triggers?

While it’s impossible to anticipate every situation, there are certainly ones you can identify in advance that may leave you feeling vulnerable. Announcements of other pregnancies or births, baby showers, family gatherings, get-togethers with friends, and even staff vacation-time at your fertility clinic may trigger feelings of isolation or sadness. When you’re able to identify these triggers, you’ll be able to create a plan of action to manage them.

Step Two:  What are practical things you need to consider?

In an ideal world, you’d always be able to choose when and what you want to share. However, there are other practical issues to consider. You may need to let someone at work know you are going through fertility treatment if you have periods of time when you need to be late for work or when travel will not be possible. Ask to have a confidential conversation with a supervisor and explain the situation. By being proactive and clear you will avoid uncomfortable questions and confrontations.

Likewise, there may be times when it’s necessary to share with a family member or friend. For example, if you have a relative living with you, it will probably be necessary to share some of what you are going through.

Step Three: What do you want for yourself? What do you want for your partner?

Remember you are in a partnership. Trying to get pregnant isn’t just your story; it’s your partner’s, as well. What are your boundaries together? What is best for you as a couple? Decide between you how open or private you want to be and how you will respond to those awkward questions. And if the two of you are struggling, think about seeing a counselor who can help you navigate this journey in the healthiest and most positive way for you and your partner.

“You can’t do it all on your own, none of us can,” said Braverman. “The sooner individuals and couples seek counseling, the easier the emotional journey of trying to get pregnant will be.”

Thank you, Dr. Braverman, for your invaluable support!