photo by Stephanie Himel-Nelson
by Brittany Williams
As I’ve mentioned, I am extremely new to the infertility process and everything that goes along with it. We have barely begun to scratch the surface as far as any issues that we may have moving forward. I was supposed to go in for my first ever HSG next week, but due to a referral not being entered into the system properly, the time that it took to fix that, and actually making the call to finally schedule the appointment, there were no more appointments left in the time frame that it needed to be done. So the first big step has to wait another month.
I won’t lie in saying there was a moment of frustration and possibly a few tears as I sat on the phone with the woman from radiology. When my husband and I finally decided to take this next step and move forward with the process, there was a glimmer of hope that came back into my life. It had been gone for quite some time, and it felt nice to really believe again that this may finally happen. I have convinced myself that all my body needs is a little push in the right direction to help expand our family. I’ve been pregnant before, so I’m telling myself that it won’t take much for it to happen again. Of course, I may be setting myself up for disappointment (I have a tendency to do that) and it was definitely not a happy moment being told that I was going to have to wait a little longer to start the process. Doesn’t she know that I have been waiting? That I am tired of waiting? Apparently she didn’t get it.
So in a way, we are back to square one, at least for the next 29-31 days. I dread this place because of the cynicism that has a way of taking over. Any joy I had felt about starting the infertility process was quickly zapped out of me during that phone call, and suddenly I was yelling at my dreaded Facebook page as I saw yet another pregnancy post. The process will start eventually, I know this.
It just really, really sucks. Plain and simple.
In the mean time, we will just keep trucking along and have to work on that pregnancy the old-fashioned way, at least for the time being. The cynicism will pass, like it always does, and assuming that I am not preggers this next go around, that HSG will get scheduled and we can begin to finally move forward.
Fingers crossed!
