photo by Stephanie Himel-Nelson
I realize that it has been a while since I blogged for Attain Fertility, and I apologize for that! The truth of the matter is, is that I’ve sort of down lately about our whole situation. Which makes me angry because just a few weeks I was so upbeat about it. I’ve had a hard time finding anything positive in our situation, and as a result I’ve let it get to me more than I should. But I figured if I can’t beat it, then I might as well write about it! I can’t be the only one out there who goes through these low moments!
The nurse at the RE clinic here on post (I’m an Army wife) called me the day after my referral in early January. For whatever reason, the clinic here on Fort Bragg makes you go to a group orientation prior to having any sort of actual appointment. And of course they only do it once a month. January’s was perfectly scheduled during our trip home to the Northwest. February’s isn’t until the 24th. Set back after set back.
It’s disappointing because I am so ready to get this show on the road. I’m tired of waiting, and yet here I am … waiting some more. Meanwhile, my life has been bombarded with pregnancy announcements from friends and our trip home was full of questions from family as to why we hadn’t produced any grandchildren or great grandchildren yet. Thanks for the added pressure, people.
But while I’m so very, very happy for friends who have an easy time getting pregnant, who don’t have to go through the waiting and frustration that we do, I won’t lie when I say it stings just a little to hear “I’m pregnant!” followed by “it was so easy,” and “we weren’t really trying.” And once I think those thoughts, I’m instantly filled with guilt for not being truly 100% happy for the people closest to me.
And it doesn’t seem to be going right for anybody that I know currently going through fertility treatments. Failed IVF’s, husbands deployed for a year putting any chance of a pregnancy on hold, delayed appointments … it’s somewhat emotional these days, and not just for myself. I hate being in this bitter stage, but it is what it is I guess.
We have all been there, and I know that my optimism will win me over again one of these days. But I’ve barely scratched the surface of this whole process and I am tired of it. I can’t imagine what my friends feel like that have been doing this so much longer than I have.
9 Comments
Hang in there, Brittany! I’ve been there. Heck, half the time I reside there too. Just know that I’m always up for a chat and my shoulder is always available.
If you lived closer, I’d take you out for wine and chocolate!
Thanks lady! I really appreciate it! And if I lived closer, I would so take you up on that offer
I tried for 6 years to get pregnant, undergoing numerous procedures along the way. It doesn’t just “sting” hearing about your friends and family members getting pregnant, it really bites! I was in a pit of depression the entire time my sister-in-law was pregnant and felt even worse because I couldn’t just turn my feelings off and be happy for her. I resented her and learned the true meaning of jealousy. Here’s the light at the end of the dark dark tunnel: I am now sitting here with my 16 month old boy/girl twins (IUI) and 20 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. My current pregnancy was a surprise, especially after all we went through to get our twins (no one would plan to have twins and then another only 20 months apart!). So when it does happen for you, however it happens, you will remember how much you desperately wanted it and you will appreciate every moment like no other mother ever could. In the meantime, try to enjoy life. Don’t stop living and having fun and don’t plan your life around what “could happen”. Stay strong and never give up hope.
if theres anything i can do please dont hesitate im your sister and i love you
i don’t have to tell you to not feel guilty for not being “100% truely happy” for pregnant friends. the bitter stage lasts awhile (i’m still going through it for sure) and we deserve to have those kinds of genuine feelings. your delays have got to be really hard on you. i’m so sorry for that and here’s hoping that things move faster at the end of this month (just think – it’s already februrary!)
I have been there. We give ourselves setbacks when we put it off and put it off. IVF is such a huge step and a scary one at that. It is hard to see all your friends getting pregnant at the drop of a hat…I had one tell me this morning. Just doesn’t seem fair. But one person gave me some incredible advice, “Remember that “she” didn’t take the last baby on the shelf. No one cut in front of you in line. No one took our chance at a baby away from us. Don’t be mad/sad that “they” are pregnant!” Our time will come too. Hang tough!
I feel your pain. I have been trying for almost 2 years. It gets harder every time a friend or family member annouces their pregnancy. I am really happy for them but at the same time I am crying inside. I have been to 2 baby showers last month. It was a happy time but it was so emotional draining for me, thinking what if this never happens to me. I am trying to stay positive through it all, praying for a miracle to happen.
You ladies are all so awesome! Thank you for the words of encouragement. I know this stage won’t last forever, but it sure does suck going through it.
@Niki I LOVE that advice!!! I will have to remember that going forward
Hang in there.. You too will have your moment. All the best.
http://www.ivfdiaries.com/?p=2609