Infertility: The Male Point of View

Everyone, please welcome my husband, Trey, with a post about the male perspective in this whole infertility mess.

Many before me have used the phrase “Infertility Sucks.” It does, and will always, until sometime in the future when they invent the gizmo that Bones used to magically heal the sacrificial Ensign Thompson on every other episode of Star Trek. Wouldn’t it be awesome if you had a device that would magically make everyone’s parts all work as designed in the specification manual? Alas, I do not think that is going to happen in my lifetime.

As a male I am extremely hesitant to take up the subject of infertility. I do not feel qualified, so to speak. The more I have thought about it though the more I believe that all men facing this issue should be willing, able and ready to discuss it. For some men, it is about the physical/medical issues associated with male infertility; but for all, it is about the emotional impact that comes with infertility no matter what the cause.

We hold our partners and give them comfort through the miscarriages and inevitable medical probing and prodding. We become chart fanatics. Trust me. And we are always in the mood at the drop of a hat when that phone call comes 15 minutes before the most important meeting of our careers. We learn phrases like, “cervical mucus” and “basal body temperature” and quickly lose whatever sense of modesty we used to have about these issues.

But, finally, and probably most tragically, as a man I feel a sense of helplessness. My role in the technical process is limited and short lived, but my role in the emotional process at most times is crucial to the wellbeing of my wife. For me and for many men, this presents a challenge to the paradigm most of us were brought up to believe in. Infertility sucks.