Please welcome my husband, Trey, back with another post about the male perspective.
Myth: Infertility makes me look like less of a man.
Myth busted!
Infertility does not mean your manhood has been lost. It means you are most likely in a whole lot of company with hundreds and thousands of other men facing the same issues and the same experiences.
In keeping with the Star Trek theme of my earlier post, I plan “to boldly go where no man has gone before.” (For you purists that quote was in the original Star Trek, and was changed in the Next Gen to be “where no one” has gone before.) Anywho, my time has come. Inevitably every man who is in a relationship with and dealing with infertility will at some point have to face the “Sperm Analysis” test.
This is problematic for men on a couple of different levels. Physiologically speaking it should not be a problem. Essentially the Doc’s are asking you to do something that every boy mastered at about age 12. You know how it works, you know what to do. But, now it is different.
Strictly speaking, I am probably not the best person to discuss this issue. I have already been deemed a “proven male” by the Doc’s by virtue of the fact that my wife and I already have “produced” two beautiful and wonderful little boys, which makes this even more difficult from a psychological point of view. “Why do I need to do this, I’m good, just look…..”
Long and short of it is though, I need to get tested, and that whole process raises many more questions. First lets take a look at just the mechanics of the process. I have heard many stories from those before me that have undertook this task that you are led to a small room, generally just beside the lobby where you can hear everyone outside and probably the other way also, given a stack of porno magazines that might have been interesting when you were 15 but probably not some much at 40, and asked to do your thing by a completely ambivalent nursing aid. I have to say, this does not sound like a pleasant experience at all. This is something I would like to accomplish in the privacy of my own home. Barring that, I would at least like to have the company of my spouse for the procedure. Spousal participation would in almost any circumstance make this process about 10,000 times more palpable.
The next issue and maybe the more perplexing one is the fact that the whole process seems to call into question ones individual manhood. Hey, I already have kids; there can’t be anything wrong with my little swimmers. But, as we all know, time changes everything, so I understand that maybe my motility is not what it used to be, or maybe that last whack to the midsection I took caused some problem. Whatever it is, no dude wants to have this aspect of his manhood questioned.
And therein lies the whole issue, at least for me, and most likely for most guys. This is a test, that by virtue of even asking, is questioning the essence of our manhood. The rub though is that our partners deal with this same issue except from the female perspective, on a much earlier and far more regular basis than we as men will ever understand. So, we suck it up, do our thing, and if necessary stop leaving our laptops on our junk while we surf p.….err….type up blog posts.
It’s just a test. And I’m more of a man for stepping up and taking it without complaint.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and Attain Fertility has teamed up with our friends at RESOLVE to bust some infertility myths. Find out more about infertility and how to bust your own infertility myth on RESOLVE’s website.
2 Comments
. I have been there… It really is not pleasant. I was, however, able to produce my sample at home and drive it to the lab. I had an hour to get it there from the time it was collected before the analysis would not be able to be performed, a…nd the lab is only 15 minutes from home.
The problem with doing this was that the people at the desk where I was to check the sample in screwed the first one up. When I got it there and dropped it off, they took too long to get it to the lab. Why they didn’t take it up right away, I am not sure, but the analysis had to be repeated. So, I now had to wait three days and repeat.
The second time, I stayed with my sample and was watching the clock the whole time to make sure it was delivered. Time kept passing and nobody was wanting to deliver the sample. With 15 minutes to spare, I took the sample to the lab myself. Just burst in and said, I have a sample that needs to have an analysis done within 15 minutes. The lab staff was a little shocked, but when I had a chance to better explain they took the sample and did the analysis right away.
It is a little emberassing carrying a specimen cup around with your swimmers in it, but it is a must do. I did get to experience the “little room” not that long ago. The testing is just the beginning. With the IVF cycle, a specimen must be produced on the day of retrieval. That situation is even worse in my opinion. While the nurse is telling you to come back to “the room” and call her when you are finished, the whole time you know your wife is under anastesia getting poked and prodded(not exactly a situation that gets you in the mood).
Again, not the easiest or most pleasant part of the infertility process, but in the grand scheme of things it is not as bad as some of the tests a woman is put through. It also is a must do part of the process to work toward achieving the goal of conception. Good luck to you.
Aaron – It sounds like he’s got to his deposit *at* the lab. I guess that cuts down on mistakes but definitely makes it more uncomfortable!