As an infertility physician who has personally experienced IVF failure (several times), I am keenly aware of the investment of time, the draining of emotions, and the depletion of finances that IVF can cause. So, when a patient has an unsuccessful IVF cycle, I am heartbroken. Today I discuss the emotions involved when IVF doesn’t work from the perspective of the patient and the physician.
During our struggles with infertility and throughout every IVF cycle, my wife would surf the internet and read the infertility blogs. When I tried to read the blogs, I couldn’t understand the multitude of abbreviations that were used. These abbreviations were nowhere to be found in any of my infertility textbooks. I soon realized that the infertility blogosphere uses a unique set of acronyms and abbreviations to describe the world of infertility.
For example, “BFN” stand for “Big Fat Negative.” If someone gets a negative pregnancy test, it’s considered a “BFN.” Everyone who has experienced infertility understands the anxiety that a pregnancy test can bring as well as the pain and despair that a negative pregnancy test can produce.
Having undergone IVF numerous times, I know too well the heartache from a “BFN”. The following is the conversation I would have with my wife after each one of our unsuccessful IVF attempts:
It’s 1:30 PM and we have not heard from the IVF clinic yet as to the result of our pregnancy test. I wonder what that means? Are they waiting to tell us bad news? Or are they waiting to call all the positive pregnancy tests last? Maybe that’s why they have not called yet.
They finally called. They called me instead of my wife because they couldn’t bear to tell my wife the bad news. It was negative.
I picked up my cell phone and dialed my wife’s cell number.
“Hello?”
“Hey…”
“Uh oh, your tone sounds like it’s negative…”
“Yeah, honey, it’s negative. Sorry.”
Silence…I can hear my wife crying a little over the phone…It kills me to hear her cry.
“It’s ok honey, we’ll try again. Don’t worry…it’ll work if we try again.”
That phone call was always one of the toughest phone calls to make.
The phone call I make to my patients after an unsuccessful IVF cycle is equally a tough call to make. Some of the feelings I experienced with each “BFN” were frustration, sadness, bewilderment, emptiness, numbness, anger, and feeling lost. I can hear and feel these emotions from my patients and their husbands during these phone calls.
However, as tough and disappointing the news of a “BFN” may be, I always recommend digging deep and finding the resolve to try again. I recommend that they do not give up their hopes and dreams of a family. Although IVF treatments are not perfect, it can help conquer some of the seemingly insurmountable infertility problems. IVF didn’t work for us the first time but after more IVF attempts, it worked for us! Every time I see my children, I am thankful that we did not stop after 1 IVF attempt.
If you have experienced a “BFN,” I strongly encourage you to discuss with your REI what the next steps will be. Do not to give up hope! Countless patients who have nearly given up all hope for a child have continued treatment and ultimately have had a child. And I am one of those success stories!
Dr. Lowell Ku, M.D. is an award winning and leading Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility specialist at Dallas IVF, one the nation’s premiere infertility centers. Dr. Ku clarifies the many confusing terms used in the world of Infertility using straightforward explanations.
Photo by Stephanie Himel-Nelson.
