The Making of Baby 3.2: So What Comes Next?

I’m a planner.  I like to know exactly what I’ll be doing in 2 hours, in 2 days, and in 2 years.

I may possibly be a bit of a control freak.

So, of course, having absolutely no control over whether or not I can get pregnant drives me absolutely batty.  You too?  Yes, I know. We’re a sad little club of infertile control freaks, aren’t we? But still, at least the last few months of Clomid, ultrasound, trigger, pregnancy tests, lather, rinse, repeat, have given me some sort of schedule and path to follow. But now we’re on our last cycle of Clomid.

I have no idea what comes next.

It’s not that we don’t know what our doctor recommends – IVF with ICSI – but that I’m scared to death.  Not just about going forward with all the shots, and hormones, and paying a lot of money.  I mean, we’re fortunate that we can manage to finance this and I’m sure the Attain IVF multi-cycle program can help.  And my husband can always lock me in a closet for a few hours if I get too hormonally crazy.  No, I’m more scared that it won’t work.  That we won’t have another baby.  That all of this is futile.

What do you do once you’ve accepted that you won’t have another child?

I’m not there yet, I know.  And I know I’ll get out of this funk in awhile.  I’m in the Two Week Wait right now and I’ll know for sure by August 1st.  I’m not expecting this cycle to work.  So I know we’ll be in our doctor’s office in a week or so trying to decide if we’re ready to walk off this big cliff in front of us!