First, let’s get the updates out of the way. I am 2 days past ovulation on our fourth, and last, Clomid cycle. We have a follow up appointment with our RE next week to figure out what our next steps are and this Clomid cycle seems to be just so we can feel like we’re doing something. I don’t really expect it to work.
While my follicles were “just beautiful” and my lining is still looking good (thin lining can sometimes be a side effect of Clomid), the month after month of failure is starting to get to me. Why am I getting discouraged now, after almost 2 ½ years of trying? I’m not sure. Maybe because we were hoping that there would be some magic bullet that would get me pregnant and we’re now running up against reality – I’m 38, almost 39 years old, and we’re running out of time.
In the face of all of our disappointment, one thing really helps get me through the month – the infertility blogging community. It doesn’t matter if the blogs I read are going through the same experiences, or if they’ve already been there and done that. They have all been where I am, or are there now, and they get it. They get the unexpected hope of every. single. cycle. Followed by the inevitable disappointment. They understand why it’s so hard to deal with well-meaning friends and relatives who stay stupid things. And they get why I have to take a moment to keep myself from crying when I see a pregnant woman walking down the street.
The first time the husband and I were going through fertility issues, back in 2002-2003, I discovered all of the infertility message boards out there. If there’s a specific condition, age group, or life situation you have while TTC, there’s a message board for that. And the women I met there saved me. I’m still friends with many of them and have even met a few “in real life.” I will forever be grateful for the little online community of infertile women, and women dealing with miscarriage, who cheered me on, gave me virtual hugs and kleenex, and genuinely celebrated when my son Hollis was born.
These days you won’t find me on message boards anymore, but you will find me haunting the infertility blogs. My husband is very supportive, but sometimes you just need to hear from someone else who’s been where you are. From message boards to blogging, I don’t know where I’d be without my online community.
How about you? Where do you get your support while you’re trying to conceive?
