Yeah, yeah, I know that’s grammatically incorrect. But it’s a real dilemma the husband and I are facing right now. We’ve put off starting IVF until the first of the year because we want to make sure our health plan is the best it can be and that our flex spending account is maxed out. In the meantime, we’re on our second round of IUI. But I have to admit that we’re freaking out a bit. Not just about the cost, although it is certainly significant. But about the possibility that we won’t succeed. I’m 39 years old now, after 2 1/2 years of trying and 2 miscarriages, the possibility of success is looking more and more remote.
Earlier today, Jacqui posted a story about Infertility Math on the Attain Fertility Facebook page. The basic gist of the article is that women grossly underestimate how long it will take them to get pregnant and overestimate how long they will remain fertile. We see women like Mariah Carey, Kelly Preston, and Salma Hayek having babies over 40 and we assume it will be easy. We assume we can wait to start our families. But now, at 39, I’m very aware of just how fertile I am not.
If we do IVF and we aren’t successful…. then that’s it. Game over. And that’s really hard for me to accept. It’s also hard to think of going into IVF assuming we’ll fail, but it also seems impossible to hope. I know we just need to do it, to walk off that cliff with our eyes wide open. But I’m so afraid of the fall.
I’m not the only one afraid to start trying for fear of failure, am I?
6 Comments
I was there, you are not the only one afraid to fail. The idea of never having a child scared me to death but it is a reality for many of us. A gloom reality for us. You have to go in with your eyes wide open knowing there are no guarantees, it is not a good feeling but it is reality. I went through 9 rounds of IUI with injections and two full rounds of IVF with no success. I was 34yrs old when we stopped medical treatments, my mind and my body just could not take it any longer. The emotional toll it was taking was eating me from the inside. Nothing worked and these are the realities of fertility. I have now been married for almost 10years and we have been trying since our honeymoon, i am 36 right now and i will probably never give up hope, but I do know eventually the reality is the life my husband and I have is a wonderful one, with or without children, we love eachother sooooo much, what we went through together only made us stronger and we will always be there for eachother no matter what. Adoption is not an option, the money just is not there so there is not much more we can do. Good luck with everything. Sending Baby Vibes your way!!!!!
Nicolei – Thank you so much for sharing your story. It does help to know I’m not the only one.
I could have written that article myself. My DH and I were just having that discussion today. We are on our 2nd round of IUI and the doc wants to see us if we aren’t pregnant this cycle. I have also had 2 miscarriages plus 1 ectopic. The 2 mcs are unexplained and I am terrified to do IVF. Our insurance will not cover any of it so it would be a HUGE expense for us, and I’m so afraid we’ll sink all that money into it and lose the baby again. We are seriously considering adoption instead
Im right there with u. 9 iui uncap successful, 1 I’ve cycle abandoned mid cycle. I’ve ovarian reserve deficiency. We have appt with rsc and wee moving to egg donor. I just need life to slow down a little, this going to dr 4 month and shelling myself all over to get meds is exhausting.
I’m takin dec off to enjoy the holidays. Hopefully IWeb can start on ivf
Thank you for sharing, you are not alone. I am in my 3rd IUI, and the plan if unsuccessful is to move to IVF in January. The sticker price is shocking to say the least, its going to be quite the feat to come up with that kind of money.
Crazy news the other day for us, we got our first beta, but its only 19. I doubt its viable, we’ll see on tomorrow’s 2nd beta. But if nothing, that throws our hold decision of IVF vs. IUI to a whole other level. Now we know something worked with the IUI, should we stick with that and get 10 attempted cycles vs. the cost of just one IVF?
Its all very difficult. I wish you the best with your journey!
Kelly – That’s the situation we’re in as well. Only we suspect that some of my health issues will prevent us from adopting. Best of luck to you!
Tara- Good luck to you! I know it can be really dispiriting to hear about the diminished ovarian reserve. So glad you’re staying hopeful!
Amber – I’m so sorry to hear that, Amber. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that this one’s going to stick!