As the holidays approach, we all feel more stressed. Extra shopping, cooking, cleaning, and hosting can make us feel downright explosive. Emotions intensify, tempers flare, and we brace ourselves for inevitable holiday drama. As Thanksgiving draws near, have you thought about how you will cope with all of it? How will you survive the holidays and infertility?
Tip 1: It’s OK to skip family festivities to celebrate alone with your partner (or with other supportive friends).
It’s OK to break the mold of what holidays are “supposed” to be like. It’s OK to put your foot down to protect yourself from more pain. It’s OK to just be you, no matter what anyone expects or hopes for you to be.
Tip 2: If you must gather with family members, be prepared. To avoid painful moments with your family, consider asking a trustworthy family member or two to help you steer conversation topics in a lighter direction.
Even the most kind, well-meaning comment can come off the wrong way, or strike a painful chord. After years of studying and writing about infertility, and speaking with those in the community, I still struggle with this myself. I worry about saying the right things…and worse, I worry about saying the wrong thing. As someone hoping to shed light on infertility, which is often suffered in silence, it is also hard to say nothing at all.
Tip 3: This Thanksgiving, your relatives may not know the right things to say to you. There is a lot of ignorance out there about this disease. If you need love, support, kindness, and most of all, understanding this Thanksgiving, reach out to those that know exactly what you are going through. RESOLVE offers support groups online and in many states across the nation. The Attain Fertility Facebook community is always here to offer a listening ear and kind words of support.
I, too, am no stranger to grief this Thanksgiving. My father suffered a catastrophic brain injury 7 months ago and is currently on life support in a rehab hospital across town. While we will be with him in the morning, this will be our first Thanksgiving dinner without him. As Thanksgiving approaches, I silently ask myself what I am thankful for, but it all lies in the shadow of my father’s crippling disabilities and critical illnesses. Still, I push myself toward gratitude. It’s not easy, but I am grateful to know love in this life, and I am trying to give thanks. I hope that you can also see at least a glimmer of hope in front of you this Thanksgiving, even though it may be shrouded in sorrow.
In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing more resources and tips on how to cope with infertility this holiday season. Until then, definitely check out these helpful articles by our friends at RESOLVE. Feel free to also browse the Attain Fertility library of infertility support articles.
Britt Berg is a medical writer and trained therapist from Atlanta. Co-author of Making a Baby, Britt hopes to create awareness about infertility while helping those on their family-building journeys.
Photo by Stephanie Himel-Nelson
