6 Tips: Infertility and the Holidays

by Marcia Clark

An infertility diagnosis often brings many worries, fears, and grief. One study showed that women facing infertility were twice as likely to feel depressed than their fertile peers. These feelings of depression may intensify as the holidays approach. While friends and families are gathering together with high expectations of joy and cheer, many in our infertility community are reporting an increase in feelings of isolation and sadness. We spoke to Eugenia L. Gullick, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Reproductive Endocrinology Associates of Charlotte, NC to gain insight in how to deal with these difficult feelings during the holiday season. Dr. Gullick offers the following 6 tips to help you find a renewed sense of hope and joy:

1. Look at the big picture
While this may not be your best holiday ever, remember that this is not the way holidays will always be. There is a very good possibility that next week, next month, next year you will learn that you have successfully conceived.

2. Think flexibly
Instead of ignoring traditions and gatherings, see if there is a way to revisit or revise them. Perhaps this is the year to gently pass on attending holiday pageants and concerts that the children of family and friends are in. Whatever the situation, if you feel you can’t do it, decide for this year only to do it differently.

3. To thine own self be true
You are the only one who knows what will help and what will hurt. Whether it’s requesting that friends and family refrain from asking if you are pregnant or asking for a shoulder to lean on, be clear about what you can and cannot do and communicate your decisions in a caring and confident way.

4. An ounce of prevention
Tell your family and friends if you decide not to participate in traditional gatherings in advance in order to avoid hurt feelings and anger and be sure to remind everyone that your decision is just for this year. Sometimes couples find relief and unexpected pleasure from going off on their own instead of being with family. Take the opportunity to make something pleasant happen so that you aren’t just avoiding the holidays but are creating healthy, fun alternative situations.

5. Stay connected
It’s important to connect with people who are going through the same thing. Find a support group and reach out.

6. Accentuate the positive
This is a wonderful time for couples to take stock of all that they already have, including their relationship. Find ways to do positive things to strengthen relationships. This is also a time to remember that even though getting pregnant seems like the only important thing in the world, work, friends, partners and health are all equally important sources of fulfillment and joy.

Eugenia L. Gullick, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist with Reproductive Endocrinology Associates of Charlotte, NC (REACH). She has over 23 years of experience in the field of infertility and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. She has received post-graduate training in sexual dysfunction and has worked throughout her career as a marital therapist. To schedule a consultation at REACH, call (704) 612-7209.

Marcia Clark is the Managing Partner of Shameless Promotions, LLC, a full service Public Relations and Communications firm based in the Lower Hudson Valley of New York. Shameless Promotions provides public relations services to the Attain Fertility Centers division of IntegraMed America, Inc.