Ask an Attain Fertility Therapist

We frequently check in with our Attain Fertility Facebook community to find out how people are doing on their family-building journeys. We recently asked our members,

“What questions would you like to ask an infertility therapist/expert about coping with infertility?”

We are happy to share with you today the wisdom and words of Dr. Marie Davidson, fertility counselor and clinical psychologist with the Fertility Centers of Illinois. Dr. Davidson has 20 years of experience counseling individuals and couples through infertility, and knows the journey well. She is not just a fertility therapist – she is a former fertility patient, too.

Dr. Davidson answers some of the most common questions that our community has about coping with infertility.

Q: How do I bring up the cost of IVF and discuss or ask for financial help from family members that can afford to help (but haven’t offered)?
M.D.: Be forthright and just ask. Tell them you do not expect them to help but are hoping they will consider it. Make the purpose and the amount very clear, including if you expect a loan or a gift. Then give them a chance to think it over.

Q: How can I nicely tell people that I’m not looking for their tips on how to get pregnant?
M.D.: Sometimes a little white lie is appropriate. “Thanks so much for the advice. I’ll consider it.” You can also say, “Thanks, but I have excellent professional advice already.”

Q: What should I do to cope when pregnancy seems impossible?
M.D.: Take the position of “faith in the long run”. That the journey you are on will have an ending and a resolution, that you will be able to consider all the alternatives, and that you do have the strength to manage the uncertainty and disappointment that is part of the journey. Then do whatever helps you cope with difficulties—tea with a friend, a massage, a funny movie, a quiet date with your partner.

Learn more about infertility support
Many Attain Fertility clinics offer fertility counseling and support services to patients. Counseling may help you:
- Cope with stress and difficult emotions
- Learn better communication skills and healthier ways to relate with others
- Identify problem solving and decision making strategies
- Grieve and deal with losses and disappointments
- Discover resources and infertility options

Fertility counseling is offered to patients at FCI at no cost. Your local fertility clinic may also offer counseling and infertility support services to their patients. Ask your doctor for more details.

Marie Davidson, Ph.D. has been involved in counseling prospective surrogates, donors, and patients for almost 20 years. Dr. Davidson is a licensed clinical psychologist, having earned her doctoral degree at the University of Illinois. She has concentrated on counseling individuals and couples who are coping with infertility. She facilitates patient education seminars on these topics, leads several support groups, is widely published in the fertility field and has been an invited speaker at many professional meetings. To speak with Dr. Davidson or to schedule a consultation at the Fertility Centers of Illinois, call (312) 253-4585.